thewiggins

OK, so I knew J*ss Wh*don was a shit. How many people in this fandom can honestly say they had no inkling? And Ray Fisher’s testimony about what happened on the set of Justice League was both damning and extremely believable given what I’d already learned/came to suspect about Wh*don.

I was taking a break from online fandom when I learned about Fisher’s allegations, so I didn’t respond to them. But I came back, even knowing with increasing certainty that the creator of the show I love was an absolute fuck.

What does that say about me?

And what does it say if I continue in this fandom?

I’m not saying that I’m leaving the fandom. I have a lot of WIPs on my hard drive (god, so many WIPs, y’all don’t even know) and I’d hoped to finish at least some of them. And, let’s face it, I’ve emotionally invested a lot in this show and its characters. And in the fandom itself. In the people I’ve met, the events I’ve participated in, etc.

I know the arguments in favor of staying. Wh*don didn’t create the show single-handedly, a lot of things I loved came from other writers, the cast, from directors, etc. But his mark on the show is undeniable. And of course you can say “Death of the Author” but I really think that’s more of a critical framework than a get out of jail free card for liking the works of problematic creators.

I also know that knowledge about a creator can and has changed how I feel about a work. I used to watch Woody Allen movies as a kid. My parents loved them and I did too. They don’t appeal to me now. My favorite song on the Space Jam soundtrack (I am such a child of the 90s) was “I Believe I Can Fly.” I used to listen to it and imagine that I actually could fly. It made me feel light, expansive, hopeful. It doesn’t make me feel that way anymore. And I’m not even going to go into the whole can of worms that is JK Rowling.

The list goes on (and on, and on).

I don’t know if I day will come when Buffy no longer brings me joy. Or when, like Woody Allen movies, I can no longer stand to watch it. It will always hold a complex place in my heart, with a lot of love, but also a lot of sorrow at the hypocrisy of its creator.

I’m not saying that there’s a clear moral answer here. I think there definitely isn’t. I couldn’t even begin to judge other fans for either staying in the fandom or for leaving it. Honestly, I don’t know what I’m going to do.